Don't Touch Anything: Chapter 2

Don't Touch Anything!
        A Sailor Moon TG by JanusDaGuardian
Chapter 2: Wardrobe Malfunction  

*Disclaimer: I don't own the Sailor Moon franchise. Sailor Moon is owned Toei Animation and Naoko Takeuchi. Please support the official release.*

Jason trudged down into the basement and opened the storage fridge. His parents entertained fairly often, so the fridge was always stocked-full of junk food, and, for today at least, several bottles of Corona beers and German whiskey. Jason felt tempted to reach for one, but then he shook his head and scanned the racks for a bottle of Mountain Dew. His father couldn't drink straight alcohol, so he usually kept a liter or two around. Also, he was starting to get hungry, so he leaned inside to grab a package of corn-dogs.

"EEEEYAAAAAAAAAAA--!!"

At the sound of a female screaming, Jason jolted upwards and banged his head against the middle rack, causing a few food articles to fall off the shelf and onto the cement floor.

"Owww..." Jason rubbed his head. "What the heck was that?"

Whoever was screaming couldn't have been Ally, and whoever made that sound had a really good pair of lungs. That left only one explanation.

"Kyle!" Jason charged back upstairs, ran down the hall. "How many times have I told you not to invite your floozies over to my--" Jason swept into Ally's room, slipped on Ally's cotton welcome-mat, and slammed face-first into the maple flooring.

"Oooo... dude, are you okay?" a soft voice asked. Jason groaned and slowly peeled his face off of the wooden floorboards. "Wow... Quite an entrance you made, huh, J?"

Still slightly dazed, Jason craned his neck upwards and locked eyes with a pair of stunning baby-blues that happened to be mere inches from his face, causing his eyes to widen. There, sitting in front of him was a cute blonde pigtailed girl around his age, wearing what Jason assumed to be one of Ally's Sailor Moon costumes.

"... Hi."

"Hi..." Jason slowly rose to his feet. "Listen, I don't know who you are, but I'd suggest changing out of that costume before my sister gets back. In the meantime," Jason said,  cocking his head so it faced the door momentarily, "KYLE! Come get your girlfriend!"

"Girlfriend? What the honey(hell)?! You think I'd date a girl this flat-chested?"

"Flat chested girls? Why are you talking like Kyle?"

"Because I am Kyle."

"No. You look nothing like him." Jason blinked. "And did you just call me honey?"

"No, I said, what the hon(he--)--What the honey(hell)?! I can't say honey(hell)?!"

"No, you can't! My mother calls my father 'honey'. It'd be really awkward."      

"Gummy(God) doughnut(damn it)! I can't even say honey(hell)?!" The girl moaned in frustration. "Something's wrong with me..."

Jason looked her up and down. "... Clearly..."

"Listen, Jason, but it's me! Honey, I can even prove it's me!

Jason sighed and crossed his arms. "Okay, then... Start..."

"Uh..." The girl scratched hear head. "We've been best friends since the sixth-grade...?"

Jason's rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Everybody knows that. Try again..."

The girl thought harder. "All right... In ninth-grade, you had a crush on Carley Baulick."

"Every guy had a crush on Carley!" Jason snapped. "Mine just ended when Kyle decided to go-out with her... showed how much of a superficial bitch she was..."

The girl snapped her fingers. "Camp Babcock Hovey! Last year! We commandeered a can of chili beans from the cafeteria on the second Wednesday night and threw it into our troops' campfire. We ran back to our tent, and then waited for a whole ten minutes while the beans in the can popped." The girl laughed to herself. "You asked me if I thought the can was a dud RIGHT before the whole dumpling(damn) thing exploded, SO loud it sounded like somebody shot a fudging(f###ing) twelve-gauge shotgun forty feet from our tent... Needless to say, everybody in the camp was ticked. Fun times..."

Jason chuckled at first, but then his expression changed to something that said, (You're serious?) to which to which the girl nodded.

With his identity conformed, Kyle half-expected Jason to freak out right then, which would've been normal considering his best friend just turned into the main girl character from an old cartoon show, so it was surprising when that didn't become the case.

"Okay... I'm convinced."

Kyle wasn't sure she heard her friend right.

"What?! You're convinced?"

Jason shrugged. "Well, the only other people who know we did that are Janus and Raymond, and since I know who they and Kyle's dated so far, the only two explanations left are you're either Kyle telling the truth, or you're a teenaged girl who likes sneaking into strangers houses and dressing up like Sailor Moon." Jason walked over and offered Kyle a hand. "I'll go out on a limb and guess the former..."

"Okay... But that doesn't explain why you're so calm. I'm officially freaked out right now!"

Kyle grabbed Jason's hand with her silk gloved hand and he helped her up only to have her stumble from being off balanced.

Jason caught her and vainly suppressed a smile. "Not used to high-heels, Kyle?"

Kyle scoffed. "Oh, high-heels? Nah, man, I wear them all the time on the weekends. Sugar(shit)... I feel like I just got tackled by Patrick Willis."

Jason pulled Kyle's slender arm over his shoulder. "I've read things like this numerous times, but I have to admit, it's kinda weird to see it happen for real," Jason said.

Kyle sat down on Ally's bed and let out a small, subconsciously-feminine sigh.

"So, what happened exactly?" Jason asked. "Did you poke two snakes that were doing it with a stick?"

Kyle gave Jason a funny look. "What? No."

"How about messing around with a Gamma-ray gun?"

"No."

"Megan Fox? Your 'dingy'?"

"Jason, neither of those make any sense whatsoever!" Kyle sighed. "Look, I just touched Ally's broach, and a bunch of ribbons came out of nowhere and tried to strangle me."

"Ally's Sailor Moon broach... tried to kill you?" Jason queried.

"Yeah..."

"And changed you... into a Sailor Moon lookalike?"

"Yeah..."

Jason laughed and shook his head. "That's crazy..."  

"Juice-pops(Jesus), you're enjoying this, aren't you!?"

"What?! No way. I just think it's a very unique situation."

"And you're enjoying it!" Jason slumped and Kyle sighed.  "Listen, Jason, I just really, really, wanna change back right now. This is... just too much..."  

Jason shot his friend a curious glance to which Kyle scowled back. It seemed kinda disappointing for Kyle to be so adamant about changing back already, since he was Sailor Moon, quite possibly the prettiest girl either of them had ever seen. But Jason quickly dismissed the idea. Kyle was his best friend, and despite that some guys have fantasies about having a pair of boobs to play with, Jason guessed being turned into a sailor-suit wearing diva was probably Kyle's limit.

"All right... Where's the box?"

Kyle pointed towards the glass case, and Jason got up to retrieve it. "Just be careful..."

First, Jason read the box, just like Kyle had done before, then he reached inside and pulled out a small pamphlet.

"That thing came with instructions?"

Jason flipped through several pages before answering with a frown. "It doesn't look like the kind of instructions we need. The book's mostly about how to attach the prop to a costume, and advertising about other products the company sells."

"Aw, man..."

Jason returned the pamphlet to the box. "That's normal, Kyle. Besides, I doubt the company would've been able to sell that product as it is. It would more illegal than 'bath-salts' if the distributors discovered that it turned people into..." Jason paused to look Kyle up and down, "convincing replicas of the implied model."

Kyle scoffed. "No kidding... Any other ideas...?"

Jason thought for a moment. "Well... if I remember Sailor Moon well enough, they didn't wear their costumes the whole time, so maybe you can take off the costume somehow."

"You perv!"

"I don't mean it like that! I'm just saying, maybe you can power-down or something. What did you say to get that thing on?" Kyle rapped her fingers on her lap for a moment, but the look on her face told Jason that she was embarrassed and trying to stall. "Kyle..."

Kyle sighed. "Moon Cosmic Power. Make-up."

Jason tried to suppress his laugh, but it came out as a low snicker. He suppressed it so much that he actually started tearing-up.

"Oh, shut up..."

"I'm sorry, it's just..." Jason grinned.

"It's just what... J?"

Jason waved his hand. "Never mind. Anyway, you've got your phrase, so just keep trying something similar but opposite until you get a reaction."

"Opposite?"

Jason shrugged. "I don't know... Moon De-transformation?"

Kyle snickered. "Dude, that is just ridiculous.

"It's just a suggestion. Take it or leave it. Besides, it can't be anymore ridiculous than having a pervert turned into a fifteen year-old girl blonde girl with pigtails."

Jason turned about so that he was facing the back wall away from Kyle, causing his transgendered friend to pause. "Wha-- Why are you turning around?"

Jason glanced over his shoulder. "I vaguely recall the Sailor Scouts becoming temporarily naked when they changed... and I don't feel like seeing you that way, girl or guy..."

Kyle nodded sarcastically. "Good call, J..." Then she blinked. "Wait a minute... You don't think I actually lost the last two years of my life, do you? 'Cause that would really suck..."

"Lost or gained... Not like it matters. If this works, you won't have to worry about that..."

"Mm." Kyle nodded, and Jason turned his head as his friend started calling out the reverse phrases, a more recognizable look of disappointment on his downcast face.

***

"Moon De-transformation!"

Kyle felt the familiar sensation of energy flowing about her, just like it did with her initial transformation. Apparently, Jason's guess was right-on. As the bright lights swirling around her, it crossed her mind that it might have been wasteful wanting to change back so soon, but at the same, Kyle didn't much like the idea of being a near flat-chested girl from a cartoon show. It didn't matter now. All Kyle knew was she was going to be a he again, wooing girls left and right and living life to the max while trying to get Jason to do the same. When the light disappeared, and the energy faded, Kyle opened his eyes in expectation and three words came instantly to his mouth: "Aw, fudge(F###) me!"

"What? What's wrong?" Jason he turned about and saw what Kyle meant.

There, sitting on Ally's bed, was Usagi Tsukino wearing Kyle's baggy clothes.

Jason reached into his pocket and pulled-out his prepaid flip-phone. "I'm gonna call Ally."

"Ally?! Are you kiddin' me?"

"You got a better idea? Besides, she might know how to handle this situation better..." After quickly punching in the seven digit number, Jason put the phone to his ear and listened as it rang. "C'mon, sis, pick up, pick up, pick up..."